Worst Monday EVER!

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Monday’s tend not to be too bad for me these days because there is nowhere I have to go… yay me! But today has to be the worst Monday EVER… in my whole life… and I’m not being dramatic… not… even… being… dramatic. You see I tuned in to Good Morning America first thing (like I do every week day) only to hear the WORST NEWS EVER. The love of my life (well, just slightly behind my amazing hubby Tim) Josh Elliott not only is leaving GMA… he has GONE! Without even a six minute “look how cute he is” segment saying goodbye. No more shots of that adorable smile, gorgeous dimples or stunning brown eyes. Just a quick little announcement that he’s gone. GONE! Now I’m sure George Snuffaluffagus is a nice guy and all but he just doesn’t inspire me… at all. Sorry George!
Y’all I seriously felt like I’d been punched in the gut. People, you know how much I hate mornings but the thought of Josh waiting on me was just enough to get me out of bed and in the den with my coffee no later than 7:00am each week day. And now he’s gone and I’m just supposed to be OK with that. Worst part? He’s not even moving to another morning show, nope, he’s going back into the sports arena with NBC Sports. Which is ok with me because I do love me some sports but seriously, how am I supposed to be motivated to get out of bed before 10:00am now? HMMMMM?!?
So unless the backlash causes Josh to reconsider and be back on GMA tomorrow, I will be officially in mourning for the foreseeable future. (I am still holding out a tiny bit of hope that this is an early April Fools stunt that is not funny, not funny at all.) So if you need me during the morning hours, I’ll be crying in drinking my Snickerdoodle coffee waiting on the world to change. In the meantime, Josh, call me and we’ll do lunch…

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Masters Speak

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Those of you that have never lived in Augusta Georgia, have no idea what we mean when we talk about things like “Masters week”, getting our house “Masters ready”, and what we’re doing for “Masters”. When I first moved here, I noticed people didn’t talk about spring break, instead everyone talked about Masters Week. Masters Week?? What in the world was that? It didn’t take very long to realize that this entire area revolves around the Master Golf Tournament beginning many, many, many weeks before it. I mean all those people that come to the tournament have to stay somewhere, eat somewhere, and shop somewhere. Not to mention all the people that are employed for that one week by all the shops, restaurants, hotels, TV, news stations, newspapers, hospitality companies, etc.
In our own self-involved minds, we in the Augusta area just assume everyone understands what goes on here that week. Until we say something about Masters and someone says, “what in the world are you talking about?” Then I begin to explain such things as people renting their houses out for up to ten days to companies, players, or individuals and having to stock the house with all manner of things, plus extra bedding and towels for each room, scheduling maid service and unfortunately, hiding all Masters goods they aren’t willing to part with (because for some reason they tend to leave with the Masters guests at the end of the week… oh yes, that’s fun for everyone.)
There are two types of people who live in Augusta: the group that heads out of town for the week to avoid the chaos or the group that stays and finds a way to be smack dab in the middle of the craziness. I’m lucky to have been part of both groups and can truly say… I love the craziness!! If you’ve never been, I highly recommend you find a way… it really is a tradition unlike any other, a true world class event and should definitely be on everyone’s bucket list. Just don’t ask me to get you tickets!

Oh the Places He’s Gone

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Yes, he is still in France; yes, he cut off the curls; yes, he’s seeing the world and loving every minute of it; no, as of right now he hasn’t lost anything other than his phone and one credit card (that being nothing short of a small miracle people); yes, we hear from him often.

Sunday afternoon has become my favorite time of the week. Why you ask? Because that’s when Luke Facetime’s us to let us know how his week has been. (And can I just be honest? I want to be Luke when I grow up.) Every time he calls I am reminded of the Dr. Seuss book, “Oh the Places We’ll Go” because people, he has done some goin! I won’t bore you with the details but thus far he has been to Paris, Austria, Germany, Greece, Italy, Amsterdam, Prague, Belgium, and I’m sure I’ve left some off. The places he has gone are great, but seeing him re-live those trips every Sunday when he tells us about them?? Priceless!! There are things we do for our children that bring us far more joy than it will ever bring them and that to me is the greatest part of parenting.
I’m thankful we can give him this opportunity but I won’t lie… I’m ready for him to get home. It’s one thing to have Will in Memphis and Matt in Greenville where I can always road trip but a whole other thing to have Luke a very long plane ride away. He’ll be home in just over thirty days and I have to tell you, people, I will be one happy mama.

My Crazy Runs Deep

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You can see from the photos above, that we have had this cream chair for YEARS. We actually inherited the chair in early 1995 when Tim’s grandmother, Haddie, passed away at 95 (yes, she was born in 1899.) It was a nice chair when we got it but twenty years and three boys later it was looking …. ummm… less than stellar. I looked into having it recovered but then Mercer busted my bracket and I realized I wouldn’t win the billon dollars therefore ”no tengo dinero” for recovering a chair. So naturally, I decided surely I could do it myself with all my non-existent experience in reupholstering furniture. People, hear me when I say this, there is a reason they charge you so much. JUST PAY THEM!!

Going from this:

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To this:

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Cost me not only a million hours but also most of my finger nails and all movement in both hands. (What, you think I’m exaggerating?!?! Try it for yourself and let me know how many thousands of staples you have to remove with a flat head screw driver and needle nose pliers before crying uncle.) But once I got here there was no turning back besides I could tell from Tim’s sly comments like “we can pay someone to finish that, please stop lying on the floor rocking and wailing” that he didn’t think I could do it. OH, GAME ON HUBBY, GAME ON!!

Now since this all began because I was a cheap idiot as a money saving effort, I looked around for some scrape fabric to use. When I found an old chenille bedspread from my mother-in-law I just really loved the idea of using this. Now, I’m super happy with my fabric choice but in a classic case of “if I knew then what I know now” I would have started on a much simpler chair because the seat back of this thing was a booger! My second mistake was not quite remembering how it went back together. OOPS!! Yes, I diligently photographed along the way but you really need a photographer just sitting around documenting for you… seriously, you get to going pulling off fabric and think SURELY I’ll remember where this batting goes and how it was stapled on… yeah, not so much.

Well, here is my final result and while I will win no awards, I have realized it is a bit like child birth. IT IS HORRIBLE as you go through it but just hours later you find yourself saying, “on the next chair I re-upholster…” Yes people, crazy obviously runs pretty deep in my family.

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The Great Pillow Crisis of 2014

So Tim had not been sleeping great on our mattress. And I’m sure it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact our mattress and Tim are both old. In lieu of shelling out a small fortune on a new king sized mattress set, I did what every good wife does, I polled my friends. My Ansley mentioned that they inherited an “older” mattress set and in order to make it work for them, they went to the local warehouse store and got a mattress topper for around $100. People, that was right up my alley.

I moseyed along to our local warehouse store and found one for less than $110… go me!! Well mission accomplished, Tim swears he slept better that night than he had in years, so yay Tim! Me on the other hand slept worse than I have in years… yikes! After a few nights of really trying to convince Tim and myself that I was sleeping fine, I realized that it was my memory foam pillow coupled with my new memory foam mattress topper keeping me from sleeping. Well before I go any further, I have to tell you that I am THAT GIRL. You know the one who takes her pillow EVERYWHERE? No matter how stupid she looks in the lobby of the Ritz or St Regis holding her pillow in what she has just realized is a ratty, faded old pillow case. When I traveled for work, I packed my pillow before I packed my clothes. I didn’t care how I looked as long as I slept well. My pillow has yet to miss a girls trip, family vacation, wedding, or any other overnight I go on. So this is a really big deal that I now have to find a new pillow (to be honest, I’d rather go swimsuit shopping on NATIONAL TELEVISION!! It’s really, really bad people!)

The good news? We have approximately one hundred pillows spread amongst the beds in our house (ok, maybe there’s only sixteen and I don’t really know why I have 3 or 4 full size pillows on each of the boys beds but frankly right now I’m too tired to care.) I’m on about night six of trying and so far no luck. But I have hope. Either I will find the perfect pillow, or I will be so tired that I will cease to care. Who knows, maybe this is God’s way of breaking me of my pillow dependence… one way or the other something’s gonna give and chances are it won’t be Tim or the mattress topper.

Consistently Inconsistent

Only one more full day of winter… we can do this people, we CAN DO THIS. This year, more than any other, I have craved spring with all that it entails: sunshine, breezes, budding flowers & trees, even the anticipation of pollen and bugs don’t bother me. It has seemed like a LOOOOOONG winter this year… almost never ending at times. Needless to say I’m not very happy with Mother Nature (yeah, I’m talking to you MN!!)

Know why this has seemed like the longest winter in recorded history?? It’s because Mother Nature didn’t play nice… at all. If she were being graded there would undoubtedly be a comment on the bottom that said, “Does not play well with others.” It’s one thing for the high temperature to get steadily lower day by day and then at some point to begin getting steadily higher. I can handle that but what is not right is to go from an icy high of 32 to a tantalizing high of 70 within six days and that didn’t just happen once this year, but over and over and over. I don’t appreciate being teased like that and you are lucky that I didn’t tattle on you MN. Seriously, the most consistent thing this winter? Being INCONSISTENT!!

But I’m willing to make up and try again MN, all you have to do is promise it won’t be another summer of one hundred straight days of anything. We’ll take some rain, some really high temps, some sunshine and also some glorious spring & summer days. You do this and I PROMISE not to ever again bring up the way you dropped the ball this winter. Deal?!?!?

Life Changing

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There is no getting around it… the world is divided into two distinct people groups- those that LOVE sweets and those that don’t. I fall into that latter group. Now don’t misunderstand me, it’s not that I don’t like sweets it’s just that I prefer, you know, mashed potatoes or hash brown casserole when it comes to dessert. Well, until recently that is.

Having three boys who stay hungry, I have always kept my freezer stocked with ice cream. They all have their favorites: one tends to like plain, another likes anything coffee flavored and the last one loves mint chocolate chip. These days I try to stock up when they’re going to be home and I try to mix it up for them. On one of my recent trips to stock up, Mayfield was on sale so I tried some of the new flavors. One of them, as I told my Thursday night Bible study group, CHANGED MY LIFE! Oh my y’all, it is ah-maz-ing.

It’s a caramel flavored ice cream with salty caramel and chocolate covered pretzels called oddly enough Crunchy Caramel Pretzel. It is the perfect blend of salty with sweet which I think is why I have fallen in love with it. I mean, I may or may not have eaten a small cup this morning at 9:15 when I pulled the carton out to photograph it. There may have also been a conversation with Tim in which I was a bit short with him because not only did he eat some of what I lovingly call MY ice cream but he put it back in the fridge not the freezer (let’s just say he won’t make that mistake again since I reluctantly agreed to share if he would promise to always put it back in the freezer.) So if you haven’t given up sweets up for Lent, I suggest you head straight to the store to buy some. Be fore warned, this may kill your swimsuit diet but rest assured it will change your life for the better! And yes, you will thank me later.

Pulling Tim into the Smart Phone World

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We were out of town this weekend visiting family since my two stateside boys are on spring break. Somehow the conversation turned to cell phones and we realized how short of a time they have been in our lives. Tim got his first BAG PHONE back in the late nineties and not only did it weigh 100 lbs but it was difficult to get service. Also, it was only for dire emergencies… we would never have used it to just chat. Just like today… NOT!!

My first cell phone was a small white flip phone and I really did not want it or any other phone. (We’ve discussed how much I abhor talking on the phone, WHY would I want one with me constantly?!?!) But Tim, who seriously likes talking on the phone, surprised me with one around 2005 and now like the rest of the world I panic if I leave the house without it. Times have changed and as a whole, we rarely use our phones just to call people. The best cell advice I was ever given was from a friend who also has three sons a few years older than mine. Leigh told me to get unlimited texting for everyone in the family. She explained that boys will text a hundred times more than they call. BEST ADVICE EVER!! Because my boys text a million times more than they call… they are their mother’s sons after all!

We’ve all come a long way in my family with everyone in our family having a smart phone… well, except for Tim. He still has an old fashioned phone and now he’s the one kicking and screaming not to enter the smart phone world… not because of principle mind you, no with Tim it is purely an economic decision. But he’s softening. His coworkers harass him endlessly because he’s the only person in his entire high school without a smart phone (well, maybe I exaggerate just a bit…I think there is one ninth grader without one) and now that Luke can Facetime me from Europe and Will can Facetime me from Memphis anytime they want he’s almost ready to jump on board. Yep, nothing like your kids to force you into spending more money…

My Presidential Platform

Raise your hand if you LIKE to spring forward?? That’s what I thought, I see NO HANDS RAISED. I can honestly say that when we spring forward, it is my LEAST favorite time of the year. Seriously, it feels like I have jet lag for an entire week. Now I get it that we all like more daylight and with the winter we’ve had this year, it’s especially welcome. But why can’t someone come up with a better way to do this. Unfortunately I am no time continuum expert but surely our government has done a study on this (I mean we have studies on why dogs bark for goodness sake, so why not this?!?!)

Since this is not my area of expertise, the best I could come up with was to subtract ten minutes from each day for six days so that the change happens more slowly and doesn’t screw up my sleep as much. Seriously, it’s be SO MUCH gentler if it happened gradually. This situation has bothered me so much, that I have contemplated running for president on this principle alone. I think I’d have a pretty good shot… especially when you consider there was no social media when I was in my, ummmm, more adventurous stage (good wording there huh?!?!) I might also have to run with the side slogan of “you can’t prove that”… What??? You think that might do more damage than good… well we’ll just see about that. In the mean time, I already need a nap.

My Hobby Lobby Obsession

Once again I was late to the party! I am certain I am the last person on the entire earth to discover…Hobby Lobby. This past weekend in Nashville, my Ansley was telling me about all the great fabric Hobby Lobby carries when I told her that I had never been… even though I have one two minutes from my house. I though she was going to pass out… she was appalled! You see I knew that I was not into building model airplanes or those ship-in-a-bottle thingies, so I though why go to a store full of that kind of stuff, right??? WRONG!! They are WAY more than that. WHO KNEW?!?! (everyone but me apparently.)

I have to admit I went a bit grudgingly, after all Ans insisted that I go and she even wanted live texting so that she could enjoy it with me… I’m thinking to myself, “Ans, you really need to get a life.” So I put it off as long as I could and yesterday I decided to bite the bullet and just get it over with… an hour and a half later I finally left hoping to go back again today!!! I mean seriously people, I could have stayed all day.

You all know that after being a retail buyer for years, I am not a shopper. My thoughts are get in, get what you came for and get out. So I set aside fifteen minutes to go in to look at the fabric and possibly find a birthday gift for a friend… well, I spent fifteen minutes looking at the candle aisle alone. If you can think of it, they have it! From candles to fabric to home goods to knick knacks to wall décor. Y’all I found myself trying to figure out which room I could redecorate with a nautical theme so that I could buy this adorable life boat bookcase (cause I need another bookcase, right?!?!) It was then that I realized I needed to WALK AWAY. Hobby Lobby you are my new favorite obsession store but I realized that I need to restrain myself and only purchase what I can actually use…unfortunately, the adorable life boat bookcase may not be making the cut.