1989 Called and Wants Its Wallpaper Back

Wallpaper Hell

This wallpaper is older than my children, my marriage and the World Wide Web. I’ve wanted to remove it since the day we moved into the house in 2005 but with cathedral ceilings in this bathroom (who does that??? In a bathroom???) it was always too daunting. Until now…

I can’t decide if I’ve finally gotten the courage or am afraid it is now or never. Either way it has proved to be every bit as difficult as I thought. You see not only is it hideous outdated ugly old wallpaper but it is also VINYL. (Dear wallpaper manufacturers in the 1980’s, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING???) Oh yeah, did I mention that it also was glued directly to the drywall… cardboard drywall. Yep, you are thinking to yourself right now, man I wish I were Wendy and got to go through the 14 levels of hell she did while removing this wallpaper… yes, it is good to be me! So once I get the twenty-three layers of wallpaper off the wall, I then have to Kilz the walls because by that point the walls are basically the equivalent of cardboard boxes. It’s a pretty picture aint it? Oh and just for your reference, when using Kilz in a small enclosed toilet room, it does in fact make you light headed, extremely dizzy and nauseous with a headache equal to… say a jack hammer directly on you skull. So when they say “well ventilated area” they are not teasing… turn the fan on. You’re welcome.

Cardboard Walls Back There  Naked Walls

So here I am two weeks into this process and I am maybe one-fourth of the way done. (Yes, you should pray for Tim because when he gets home from a long hard day herding cats… I mean shaping high schoolers, I am quite a joy to be with!) The good news is that I truly now know what NOT to do… the bad news is that there is still lots to practice on.

So the next time you want to remove wallpaper… go with your gut people, call a professional as fast as your fingers can dial and tell your spouse they’ll thank you for it later.

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Houston We Have A Problem

A ton of hair spray gave its life for the styles in these photos...

A ton of hair spray gave its life for the styles in these photos…

Houston we have a problem. I was at the mall yesterday and saw… stirrup pants!! Seriously people, did we learn nothing from the 80’s?? I mean what is next? Mile high hair and ginormous shoulder pads? Are we going to start wearing 4 inch jewel encrusted circles as earrings once again? The next thing you know TV will do a remake of “Dallas”…oh wait, that happened.

There were many good things brought to us by the 80’s but I hope you agree with me that stirrup pants was not one of them. Sure we can all agree that Brian Adams, Bon Jovi and The Police are all GREAT things that came out of the 80’s. Seriously what is not to love about Summer of 69, Cuts Like A Knife, Heaven, You Give Love A Bad Name, Livin On A Prayer, Don’t Stand So Close To Me, Everything Little Thing She Do Is Magic… I mean REALLY?!?!? This was (and still is!) great stuff people and I haven’t even mentioned Jon Bon Jovi and Sting who STILL look fine.

Oh and it wasn’t just 80’s music, there were also the movies. We’re talking “Top Gun”, “Dead Poets Society”, “Field of Dreams”, “The Breakfast Club”, “E.T.”, “Terms of Endearment”, “The Big Chill”, “Raiders of the Lost Ark”. And don’t forget “Out of Africa”, “Rain Man”, “Platoon” and “Steel Magnolias” (who didn’t go to at least one blush and bashful wedding?) There are far too many great movies to even begin to name them all and isn’t it funny how just the name of a movie can take you right back to a place and time? “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”… anyone? anyone? anyone?

Oh I could go on and on with everything from food to cars to great moments in sports but I think you guys smell what I’m cooking! The 80’s were a monumental decade with some amazing innovations and events. So let’s all make a pact not to allow fashion to even TRY to bring back those things we are still trying to forget… you’ve seen the photos, it was not pretty people, not pretty.

Back When It Was Normal

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(yes these are photos from 1991, yes that is my nephew and yes my husband has a bow on his head….what do you mean that’s not normal??? You must not know MY hubby.)

Do you remember when all these sweaters from the ugly sweater contests were just called Christmas sweaters? I mean, we couldn’t wait for the day after Thanksgiving so that we could begin wearing them. Oh yes, not only did we wear these sweaters in everyday life… we paid good money for them. Yes back in the good old days, we’d put a holiday party on our kitchen wall calendar and immediately begin to think about which Christmas sweater we were going to wear. Would I wear one of the five I own or borrow one from my mother’s even larger stash? No, maybe I’d borrow the amazing lame’ ornament sweater from my mother-in-law…. but only if the party was going to be dressy.

People, back in the 1980’s and 1990’s we wore these sweaters… in everyday life and we wore them with … stirrup pants. GASP!! Yes my friends, we were essentially wearing loose leggings that had elastic loops that wrapped around the bottom of our feet so that we could tuck them into our faux leather pumps. WHAT IN THE WORLD??? I am quite certain somewhere, someone laughed every time he saw women in stirrup pants because, like Rachel’s apartment pants on Friends, they were most likely started as a joke, something that was never meant to be.

Are you picturing this people? Imagine the ugliest Christmas sweater you have ever seen being worn with BRIGHT red stirrup pants and the woman wearing this outfit is not heading to tacky day at school or an ugly sweater party. She was most likely heading to the grocery store to buy the ingredients for turtle cheesecake and chicken divan. Heck, she might have even been headed to the Christmas bridal shower my best friends and I gave where we presented the bride to be with her own custom made Christmas sweatshirt onto which we had sewn crocheted snowflakes, satin ribbon, sequins and pearls. Yes, we were living the dream people. Living. The. Dream.

Nope, Not Normal…

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We’ve discussed my abnormal culinary roots, but I also had some unusual fashion roots. My parents had kids at a young age, so neither set of my grandparents seemed very old to me (probably because they were not!) Oh, they always did the grandparent thing when we’d spend the night complete with yummy food, fun activities and later bedtimes but they keep us in line too. We knew you couldn’t pull much of anything over on either Granny & Pop or Mom & Papa. So for the most part they seemed like everyone else’s grandparents.

That is until designer jeans became chic. Both my grandmothers wore designer jeans way before it was normal and not only did they wear them, they wore them very well. My dad’s mom was a beautiful tall leggy blonde while mom’s mom was a petite dark-haired beauty. No gray haired grandmothers in my family, no sir. And they were super stylish with their Jordache, Calvin Klein and Gloria Vanderbilt jeans let me tell you. Fashionable costume jewelry? Check! Stylish silver thread blouse? Check! Multi strap belt with the gold knot buckle? Double check!

Yes, it took the great designer jean revolution of the early 1980’s to make me realize that I might not be part of normal family after all…..