This Kid Gets Me

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There are people that get you and then there are people that GET YOU. Mother’s Day started off innocently enough… I’m texting a friend and every time I type “you” my phone autocorrect to “you’re not my dad!!!” I show Matt and we get a great laugh out of it as I think to myself “stupid phone!” Then later in the day as I’m texting my hubby who was playing golf (his gift to me), I type “babe” and it autocorrects to “little hitler”… it was at this point that I knew someone had been messing with my phone. I slyly glance over at Matt who has an enormous grin on his handsome face and he says, “Now type ‘home’.” Which I did and an entire paragraph appeared on my phone spouting redneck drivel proclaiming that the south will rise again. Matt and I started laughing so hard we couldn’t stop. It was classic Matt because y’all, this kid gets me.

I really thought that was his entire Mother’s Day gift to me and seriously it was more than enough. Nothing makes me happier than stuff like that. (Obviously, the bar has been set very low and I’m easy to please!) So when I got up this morning and saw this, I knew this child had great insight in to my soul.

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Here’s the thing, I love fun and funny with just a small bit of touching thrown in. Well played Matthew, well played. (Yes, that’s Riley Kate holding Matt’s thumb in the above photo.)

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Rules Do Apply

Can we talk about the kid who was suspended for asking Miss America out? Now before we get too far into this, I need to tell you I agree with the suspension. Maybe it’s because my hubby is an assistant principal at our local high school, maybe it’s because I raised three boys to understand there are consequences to breaking rules or maybe it’s because after seeing him interviewed I realized this kid has more ego than Kanye West. (he said he ended with his signature “dance move”…. well now buddy you have three days to work on your signature dance move at home, how’s that sounding?)
I think what really got me riled up were all the morning show anchors (other than my new buddy George Snuffaluffagus) being aghast that the kid was punished. Well news flash people, the kid himself said that he was told ahead of time by the school administration NOT TO DO THIS but he decided to ignore them and “just do his thang.” Um, yeah, not only do I not feel sorry for this kid but I hope he gets in trouble at home as well. Sure you may say this is just a kid being a kid but as the wife of a high school administrator I say no, at some point we all have to learn that like it or not we have to follow rules or there will be consequences. He was told by the school administrators not to do this but ignored them because he knew this was “his moment”… sounds like a swell kid to me. Seriously, if your boss explicitly tells you not to do something and you do it, how’s that going to work for you???
Ok, off my soapbox now but I will leave you with this. Rules may not be fun but for the most part they are for our benefit. I truly hope this kid learns from this because one day it may be a more harmful rule he breaks and someone might pay the ultimate price for it.

SQUIRREL!

It’s the little things that drive me insane. For instance, there currently is a credit card commercial where they swipe the credit card the wrong way over and over and over and over! Let’s be real, I use enough credit cards to know the strip is on the top of the card and every time I see this I find myself thinking, “You can’t even show your card being used properly and I’m supposed to trust you with all my personal information?? Ummm, no thanks!” Seriously people, someone should be fired over that. This company is asking me to trust them yet they don’t pay enough attention to detail to show their product being used the right way. It just bothers me y’all and yes, I know I have issues.
Even when watching a movie or TV show, when an incorrect edit happens it drives me crazy. Mainly because I know NOTHING about movie or TV interworking so if I notice the miscue it must be bad. Tim and I were watching a show the other night when I noticed that the lights in a building behind the guys talking were on, then off, then on, then off. I started thinking, “Maybe that’s going to come in to play. I bet the flashes are a signal to let us know where the bad guys are. I should pay attention to this.” Yeah, no that was not it at all. Again just somebody sleeping on the job. But the worst part is that I totally missed the conversation going on in front of the building because the lights had my full attention. It was like SQUIRREL! I was totally distracted. Guess I’m seeing where Luke gets that quirky trait from. And all this time I thought Tim was the one from the questionable gene pool…

What’s Really Important

As I was driving over to my niece’s house, I realized it’s almost Masters Week… and truly for the first time in ten years I have no idea the actual dates of the tournament. Even though last year was my first year not working there full time, it was still engrained in my brain because I worked about eighteen months out and it is hard to un-know something. But this year? I couldn’t tell you the actual dates for love nor money.
People ask me all the time if I miss working there and I can honestly say yes. Mainly because there are SO MANY people I worked with that I miss seeing on a daily basis and I truly loved what I did for almost all of the nine plus years I worked there. In all truth, there was a time when I could not wait to get in the car and head to work… I just could not believe that I got paid to do what I had so much fun doing with people I loved being with. When that changed, I began to realize that maybe it was time to move on…
The day Tim and I decided it was time for me to resign, I felt like a million pound weight had fallen off my shoulders. It was nothing that anyone else had done to me, simply put, I forgot that my job was not supposed to be the most important thing in my life. How in the world could I have gotten so mixed up that I put my job before God, my amazing husband, my three incredible sons and my wonderful family and friends?? Easy, the more attention I got from people because of what I did, the more important I thought I was…and that’s a HUGE problem my friends.
Now, I’m still pretty important but to a vastly different group of people. Mainly, my family. As I held my nieces brand new baby girl, I realized that were I still working I would have been far too busy to stop for a few hours and enjoy the newest member of our family. What a shame that would have been because Riley Kate told me that I’m her favorite Aunt Wendy… but let’s keep that between us, I wouldn’t want the her other aunts to be jealous!

My Crazy Runs Deep

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You can see from the photos above, that we have had this cream chair for YEARS. We actually inherited the chair in early 1995 when Tim’s grandmother, Haddie, passed away at 95 (yes, she was born in 1899.) It was a nice chair when we got it but twenty years and three boys later it was looking …. ummm… less than stellar. I looked into having it recovered but then Mercer busted my bracket and I realized I wouldn’t win the billon dollars therefore ”no tengo dinero” for recovering a chair. So naturally, I decided surely I could do it myself with all my non-existent experience in reupholstering furniture. People, hear me when I say this, there is a reason they charge you so much. JUST PAY THEM!!

Going from this:

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To this:

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Cost me not only a million hours but also most of my finger nails and all movement in both hands. (What, you think I’m exaggerating?!?! Try it for yourself and let me know how many thousands of staples you have to remove with a flat head screw driver and needle nose pliers before crying uncle.) But once I got here there was no turning back besides I could tell from Tim’s sly comments like “we can pay someone to finish that, please stop lying on the floor rocking and wailing” that he didn’t think I could do it. OH, GAME ON HUBBY, GAME ON!!

Now since this all began because I was a cheap idiot as a money saving effort, I looked around for some scrape fabric to use. When I found an old chenille bedspread from my mother-in-law I just really loved the idea of using this. Now, I’m super happy with my fabric choice but in a classic case of “if I knew then what I know now” I would have started on a much simpler chair because the seat back of this thing was a booger! My second mistake was not quite remembering how it went back together. OOPS!! Yes, I diligently photographed along the way but you really need a photographer just sitting around documenting for you… seriously, you get to going pulling off fabric and think SURELY I’ll remember where this batting goes and how it was stapled on… yeah, not so much.

Well, here is my final result and while I will win no awards, I have realized it is a bit like child birth. IT IS HORRIBLE as you go through it but just hours later you find yourself saying, “on the next chair I re-upholster…” Yes people, crazy obviously runs pretty deep in my family.

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Embracing Your Muffin Top for Lent

I got this text from a friend not long ago just days before she was heading on a tropical vacation: ‘I just had a talk in the mirror like this “Self, gig’s up. I think your friends know you have a muffin top. No losing it between today and Saturday. Let’s embrace it!” Oh sheesh. Who am I?’ I could so relate!! You typically know months in advance when a really big event is scheduled. How many of us decide we are going to get in better shape and lose a pound or twenty before said event, only to arrive two days before without having changed a single thing and giving yourself this exact same pep talk?!?!

Here’s the truth in the matter, regardless of your size, big or small, there are very few REAL people who love the exact size they are. I have friends who would love to lose weight and I have friends who would love to gain weight. We all find ourselves falling short of where we wish to be. Why? Because we mistakenly think that our size matters. So I have decided to be the voice of truth… you are the only one paying attention to your size because your friends love you regardless (and if they don’t, news flash, YOU NEED TO GET NEW FRIENDS!!!)

I decided this past summer, when I turned 45, to just embrace the size I am. After all I have a husband who adores me, sons who love me, friends who enjoy hanging with me, and strangers whose opinions don’t matter. Think about all the time you spend obsessing about your size… I mean really people, we could end world hunger if we spent as much time dwelling on that. Be honest, how great would life be if you didn’t have to spend a moment focusing on what you see as your flaws?

Today is Ash Wednesday and I have a Lenten challenge for the four of you who read this blog: give up your negative self-image and embrace yourself EXACTLY AS YOU ARE.

  • Stop looking in the mirror and seeing your flaws.
  • Stop talking about what you should or shouldn’t be eating.
  • Stop trying to be something you are not.
  • Stop thinking that how you look defines who you are.

It’s only for forty-five days (yes, I realize that Lent is forty days but when you add the Sundays you get about forty-five days total.) Who knows, you just might get to Easter and along with celebrating the resurrection of our Lord, you just might be celebrating the resurrection of a life lived by a woman who is out to make a difference in the world instead of obsessing over herself.

Toddlers, Ice Storms, and Sewing… OH MY!!

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So I headed up to see my Ansley this past weekend for what can only be called a sewing marathon. She wanted to learn to sew, I’ve been sewing for years and I’m always up for a trip to Nashville. We accomplished a lot- one set of curtains, one smocked top dress and one adorable polka dot jumper. What? You don’t think that’s a lot? Well did I mention that her three year old daughter and eighteen month old son were there but her hubby was not? So we were also tending to the needs of two toddlers one of whom had a stomach bug and the other who was teething. Yeah, now we’re looking like rock stars aren’t we?!?!

Our biggest problem was not the kids, in spite of how the felt, they were great! No the biggest problem we faced is the fact that I am absolutely the WORST teacher in the world. I sometimes had to train people back when I worked and they can attest that my mind does not go step by step. I see where we are, where we want to go and my mind just gets there… I can’t explain for the life of me how I got there… I just did. Yes, my math teachers loved this; the answer was always right but they wanted to know how I got it. For some reason, it always took them a while to realize that my mind truly went from the problem to the solution without needing the in between steps. Ooops! Anyway, that is how my mind works and it’s not great when trying to teach anyone anything. Poor Ans!!

Somehow we stumbled along just fine and by Monday when the ice storm tried to trap me in Nashville FOREVER we realized not only had we accomplished a ton but Ans learned to sew! I’d like to think it was my ability to transfer knowledge effortlessly but to be honest, it’s not really hard to sew when you have a pattern and can follow directions. Luckily Ans, being a first born, is an ace at following directions. Now don’t tell her but for the next few days I’m going to just sit in my house, enjoy the peace, relish the quiet and bask in the fact that my baby is nineteen.

The Ladder

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There is a ladder in my dining room. Yep, it’s not scary that it is there… no, to me it is scary that I no longer even notice it. That means it has been there a while. Oops! You see I’m doing some painting and redecorating around the house therefore I just leave the ladder in our least used room so that I don’t have to drag it in from the garage every time I need it. (I know, pretty brilliant huh?!?!)

Back in December, we inherited a moving van full of beautiful antique furniture from my sweet mother-in-law and once I got it in our house I realized that our walls looked a bit…. shabby shall we say? Now some of them had been painted after we moved in back in 2005 but others… well I don’t think they have ever been painted other than the white builder grade paint used back when the house was built in the 1990’s. (Pretty bad huh?!?!) You know for a while, I could overlook it and “pretend” I was still deciding what color was the right color… yeah, that was fine for the first few years but after nine years it doesn’t really work so much anymore. So, inspired by the new furniture, I decided it was time.

I waited until January so that all the boys would be out of my hair… I mean back in school. (Hey, it’s rather difficult to paint around all the college stuff spread from room to room to room. Yes, it was all your stuff Luke.) Thus far I have gotten about a quarter of the house done. My hope is that by the next time all the boys are home in May it will be done… yeah, we’ll see how that works out.

So if the next time you see me out and about, it looks like I am REALLY getting gray, have no fear, my hair dye is still working just fine… it’s most likely paint.

Snow and Ice and Earthquakes … OH MY!

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I’m not real sure what is going on in your world, but here in Augusta we have experienced snow, sleet, ice, an earthquake and 40 mph winds all in the span of four days… what?!?!? Now y’all I can put up with a lot. Let’s be real, I have three sons and have seen (and cleaned up) more than I ever thought possible. So I’m well equipped to live without power for 55 hours. But there was one thing I REALLY missed.

I’m almost embarrassed to admit that what I missed the most was not a hot meal or lights or even being able to keep up with the news and weather. No, between our gas fireplace, candles and halogen flashlights I was pretty good. We even had hot water so we could shower everyday… but what I couldn’t do was dry… my… hair. I KNOW!! It’s crazy how badly I missed my hair dryer. People, I don’t enjoy walking around with a wet head and I am quite certain that my husband was looking at me by Valentine’s Day and questioning what he ever saw in me. We haven’t made it twenty-five years for nothing but I am pretty darn sure that had he seen me like this in 1989, there would have been no wedding. It… was… bad!!

Good news is that I was able to read without feeling guilty. Cause, what else was there to do?? Couldn’t cook, clean or do laundry. For some strange reason we had zero cell phone service even when we were in the cars charging them. And let’s be real here, Tim had our yard cleaned up before the last branch had been on the ground five minutes, so there was really nothing to do. BUT READ!!! Just between you and me, I may have actually enjoyed being without power… well, other than the whole Frankenstein’s Bride hairdo I was rocking.

Yes Sir, He’s My Baby

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Man this global warming is really getting bad. We’re expecting our second winter storm in less than three weeks here in the Deep South. Last time it didn’t quite go as planned and blasted an un-expecting Atlanta area while it barely hit here in Augusta. Frankly it was disappointing! If they’re going to cancel school, I’m at least hoping for beautiful white yard… lasting longer than 10:00am.

Anyway, this time looks real and they’re saying ICE! So I did what any good southern wife does… I immediately made a to-do list for my husband. (What?!?! You thought I went to the grocery store? No, I already have Funyuns, cheese dip, guacamole, tortilla chips and ice cream… we’re set there.) You see I learn from mistakes. They closed the schools last time FOR TWO WHOLE DAYS and with hubby being an administrator in our local high school, naturally he was home… with NOTHING to do. Remember this is the guy who has wheels on his butt. He has to have something to do. I on the other hand am perfectly content to sit down and read… for hours… and hours… and hours. Tim can’t even sit down and just watch TV. If he is watching TV he is also answering email, surfing the web and who knows what else! So to say these two days were a strain on our marriage is putting it, ummmm…. mildly.

Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. So this time I’m prepared. I’ve put together an extensive list of all the closets that need organizing, knives that need sharpening and things that need deep cleaning. I’ve even thought of a few things I’d like built… just in case. Yep, this girl does one thing well, she learn from her mistakes. I dearly love my husband and I want nothing more than for him to be happy….so another big bad winter storm? Bring it on… this time my list is ready!!